Upgrading the Muffin Top

Every so often, I read facebook posts that make me laugh out loud.  So when I come up with some brilliant thought or saying, I'm happy when I get the positive responses from friends and family.  The reaction I received from a post I wrote a while ago surprised me, especially when it went viral, not computer viral, but office viral.  I posted the following observation:

It's sad when your muffin top turns into a full on loaf of bread. (As I sit in my office drinking my pepsi and eating a free brownie...)

This opened up a "can of posts" from friends and family.  And coworkers.  About two weeks after my post, one of my coworkers walked up to me and said, "I heard about something clever this author wrote..."  and proceeded to quote my muffin top analogy.  I laughed.  I told her I was glad I could make her day.  She created her own analogy about moving stuff around when she climbs out of her car.  Some fat jokes ensued.  We basically took the muffin top talk to another level.

But in all seriousness...  I really was sitting in my office drinking a soda and eating a brownie so my overgrown muffin top is really my own fault.  Or is it?  I can think of a few excuses as to why my pants like to push my overstuffed tummy up into my throat...

*Four children.  Need I say more?  My stomach has been stretched out four times.  Even though it's been 6 years since the last stretching, I still think it affects the "bounce back" elasticity of the skin and muscles.  Not that I'm a medical doctor or anything.

*Stress.  Full time job, full time mom, full time housekeeper, cook, laundromat, chauffeur, nurse, monster/bad dream chaser, fixer-upper, and in the famous words of Yule Brenner in The King and I, "Eck-cetera, Eck-cetera, Eck-cetera"!

*Age.  The older you are, the quicker your metabolism falls into the abyss and your body is unable to break down the fat from ice cream, donuts, soda, cake, brownies, oh...  pretty much everything that tastes good.  It's your body's way of reminding you that you are no longer that cute, young chick who could wear tight clothing that showed all of the right curves.  Now, the curves are disproportionate and should really be hidden under dark, loose clothing. 

I'm sure I could write a novel on muffin tops and how it affects a person trying to look cute in jeans and a tight top.  I'm sure I can find medical data on the reasons for the existence of muffin tops and how to get rid of them once and for all.  I'm pretty sure I can write pages of testimonials from women who live with muffin tops and either like it or dislike it.  And, I know for sure my muffin top isn't going away anytime soon.  Curses to that Pepsi and free brownie!!!