One at a time...

My previous post, wayyyy back in November was the beginning of what I now know is my life's dream. Well, part of it. The other part is publishing a book that has been started and set aside for too long, but that is on the back burner of life. The importance of education has been pounded into our heads since we understood the meaning, an extension of the pounding my dad used to get when he was young. I have found the need and want of pounding this same idea into others, of course on a more gentle note. So here we replace 'pounding' with 'persuade', 'assist', 'motivate'... What more do we want? We want our Pacific Islander students to succeed in education and eventually in life. We want them to have a better life because that was the original dream their parents had when they first moved to the United States. We want them to be positive role models for the younger generation and to motivate them to do well. We want them to succeed and give back to their people and communities. We want to create a partnership of learning, succeeding, and growing as a people and a culture. We want to teach, learn, grow, love, and live! And we can succeed because as a people, we are the OG educators.

College Life

About 15 years ago, the local college had a dilemna. There were only a handful of Pacific Islander students enrolled but yet so many had graduated from high school. Where were these students? At the university? Nope. Statistics showed their enrollment numbers were just as low. Steps were taken to recruit and enroll Pacific Islander students into the college and now the numbers are in the hundreds. This should be great news. Except now there's a new dilemna. Out of the hundreds of Pacific Islander students enrolled at the college, only a handful of those actually complete their program and graduate or move on to a 4-year university. A handful. Why? This is the issue I have to begin to analyze, tear apart, and try to solve. It's a huge job. And I'm up for the challenge!

Working Mom

I was offered a full time position with an educational software/training company yesterday. You think I would be jumping for joy since I've been out of work since August. You think I'd be doing cartwheels because they offered me a salary above the 'asking price' because of my education and experience. I should be happy because we can pay off our bills faster and be more comfortable. But I'm not bouncing off the walls, or performing some random cheerleader move, or screaming CHOO HOO at the top of my lungs. I'm pondering this moment and going over the pros and cons in my head. Of course, I have accepted the position. What else can I do? But my mind bounces from...
paying bills and having extra money for a weekend McDs run with the kids,
to not having a lot of time to bake fresh bread for the kids when they get home from school,
to being able to do some decent Christmas shopping and not feeling bad because we weren't able to really get nice things for the kids,
to not being able to drop off the kids or have time to go on a class field trip as a chaperone,...
The HUGE factor that is keeping me semi-calm in all of this tennis court drama in my head is the fact that my little sister is going to handle picking up the kids from school. As a Samoan, I don't believe in daycare, unless it's run by a family member. Family's are there to help each other out and if I can make some money and give some to my sister, we all win! She certainly doesn't expect the money but I would like to give it to her just the same. Win-win situation! Now, my brain can settle down, start planning activities and menu's, and go back to being a double-full-time working mom... with peace of mind.

Counting Heads

As we drove up to Brigham City today, we kept counting heads to make sure we had all of the children with us. Unfortunately, not all of them could come so we kept feeling like we were missing someone. With my oldest daughter in California visiting her grandpa and grandma, having tons of fun, and lightening grandpa's wallet by shopping til she drops, it was a day full of second looks and LOTS of counting. It's funny how things change when your eldest child is gone, even for a short weekend. Everything in the house seems to change. The other three were in charge of cleaning the house and did well, they took forever, but accomplished their goal. Is this a preview of how things will be when the kids start to go to college? Grandpa took her to tour the campus at Stanford University... I don't mind Stanford but the cost, WOW! If grandpa is going to show her the campus and get her interested, he better be setting up that savings account to help pay the tuition! As parents we have our children, love them like no other, and wait for the day when they are out of the house and there is peace and quiet. I don't think I'm going to be the parent that enjoys that setting. I love the noise. I love my kids when they play Scene It, or Scrabble, or wrestle in the living room... I love a little peace and quiet but not too much. It was hard enough to send my daughter out to her grandparents for the weekend. What extent of "basket case" will I be if she actually goes away for college? And will I continue to count heads because I always have a feeling that we're missing someone?

Birthday & Memorial

Today is my 3rd daughter's 10th birthday... She was the baby of the family for 51/2 years before the youngest was born and I wonder if she still feels the effects of that in her life. She used to be the youngest, the spoiled one, the attention getter, to the middle, often overlooked child because her younger sister is a diva... This is my Dragon baby, my Barbie Ninja, my future engineer. She used to stack anything or sort them in order: video tapes, DVD cases, blocks, pots, anything! Now she's a quiet 4th grader who loves to read and is still perfectly content playing by herself. My dad says out of all the girls, she reminds him most of me. That actually scares me!

On a sad note, today is also the one year anniversary of the tsunami that hit American Samoa, Samoa, and Tonga. I was watching a memorial video on Facebook and it brought tears to my eyes. I didn't know anyone in the video, none of my family was hurt (although by the grace of God my brother did not go into work early that day and his water plant was in one of the hardest hit areas), but my heart was hurting at the loss and fear this environmental disaster caused. Ua tiga lau fatu! My love for my homeland is neverending and to know this has happened to my people makes me wonder if I should be there to help them out. Or am I of more use to them here in the U.S.?

Homesick...

I'm at home, all the kids are in school, and I'm listening to an online Hawaiian radio station out of Las Vegas, folding clothes, and feeling completely and utterly homesick. Actually, any island would do at this point. Anything with a beach, warm Pacific Ocean waters, pua trees, guavas and mangoes, the ocean breeze filling the air. I look outside and all I see are desert trees planted by early pioneers and those of late, feel the dry heat, and wonder what I'm doing away from home. But I guess this IS home now. All of my children were born here and much as I'd love to move away, I know I couldn't do that to them. What soothes homesickness? Cooking things that remind me of home, listening to homestyle music, and thanking the big guy upstairs for health and happiness.

Life's curveballs... or quarterback sacks...

You know the saying about the dark cloud and the silver lining? Yeah, so I'm still looking for that silver lining. I've received a small glimpse of it but I'm waiting for the entire cloud to be covered in bright, sparkly, silver stars. Sort of like my 4-year-old's famous bag of lip gloss.

My silver lining has begun with being a stay-at-home mom. It wasn't voluntary, mind you, but it has become a great comfort, emotionally, personally, but not so much financially. I am comforted knowing I'll be here whenever I need to drop off or pick up my girls from school. I am still teaching because I am the tutor for an 8th grader, 6th grader, 4th grader, and preschooler. I can cook dinner and have even started baking, this time using things like yeast and cinnamon and things that don't come out of the box. I am happy, and yet...

I have so much time at home now but I feel like I'm not accomplishing what I need to; what that accomplishment is I DON'T KNOW! I have been wanting to rewrite Samoan legends. I have elementary teachers who are in need of "ethnic" stories for their classrooms to promote diversity and with the large population of Polynesians in Utah, this would be a great resource for them. I have two chapter books that I've started and am at a stand still. I want to write and bake and not worry about bills. Is that too much to ask? Has the sparkly lining grown since this post?