Birthday & Memorial

Today is my 3rd daughter's 10th birthday... She was the baby of the family for 51/2 years before the youngest was born and I wonder if she still feels the effects of that in her life. She used to be the youngest, the spoiled one, the attention getter, to the middle, often overlooked child because her younger sister is a diva... This is my Dragon baby, my Barbie Ninja, my future engineer. She used to stack anything or sort them in order: video tapes, DVD cases, blocks, pots, anything! Now she's a quiet 4th grader who loves to read and is still perfectly content playing by herself. My dad says out of all the girls, she reminds him most of me. That actually scares me!

On a sad note, today is also the one year anniversary of the tsunami that hit American Samoa, Samoa, and Tonga. I was watching a memorial video on Facebook and it brought tears to my eyes. I didn't know anyone in the video, none of my family was hurt (although by the grace of God my brother did not go into work early that day and his water plant was in one of the hardest hit areas), but my heart was hurting at the loss and fear this environmental disaster caused. Ua tiga lau fatu! My love for my homeland is neverending and to know this has happened to my people makes me wonder if I should be there to help them out. Or am I of more use to them here in the U.S.?

Homesick...

I'm at home, all the kids are in school, and I'm listening to an online Hawaiian radio station out of Las Vegas, folding clothes, and feeling completely and utterly homesick. Actually, any island would do at this point. Anything with a beach, warm Pacific Ocean waters, pua trees, guavas and mangoes, the ocean breeze filling the air. I look outside and all I see are desert trees planted by early pioneers and those of late, feel the dry heat, and wonder what I'm doing away from home. But I guess this IS home now. All of my children were born here and much as I'd love to move away, I know I couldn't do that to them. What soothes homesickness? Cooking things that remind me of home, listening to homestyle music, and thanking the big guy upstairs for health and happiness.

Life's curveballs... or quarterback sacks...

You know the saying about the dark cloud and the silver lining? Yeah, so I'm still looking for that silver lining. I've received a small glimpse of it but I'm waiting for the entire cloud to be covered in bright, sparkly, silver stars. Sort of like my 4-year-old's famous bag of lip gloss.

My silver lining has begun with being a stay-at-home mom. It wasn't voluntary, mind you, but it has become a great comfort, emotionally, personally, but not so much financially. I am comforted knowing I'll be here whenever I need to drop off or pick up my girls from school. I am still teaching because I am the tutor for an 8th grader, 6th grader, 4th grader, and preschooler. I can cook dinner and have even started baking, this time using things like yeast and cinnamon and things that don't come out of the box. I am happy, and yet...

I have so much time at home now but I feel like I'm not accomplishing what I need to; what that accomplishment is I DON'T KNOW! I have been wanting to rewrite Samoan legends. I have elementary teachers who are in need of "ethnic" stories for their classrooms to promote diversity and with the large population of Polynesians in Utah, this would be a great resource for them. I have two chapter books that I've started and am at a stand still. I want to write and bake and not worry about bills. Is that too much to ask? Has the sparkly lining grown since this post?